A lot.
So Norton Friday it is!
Also, Happy New Year. Personally, until we get cloud cities and Jetsons/Futurama transport tubes, every year is just the same as the last. I'm sure that joke has been done before, but here I am without a fuck to give. And there's your first f-bomb on here for the new year. Movin' on.
I had never actually seen this one until about 5 minutes ago when I went hunting for Norton classics. I then truly realized that, despite having seen scores of his commercials, there are many more festering on the internet and I'm sure he's still rolling. It would be a damn shame to take the money he's put into these dozens of commercials he's made in 1-2 years and pool it into, I dunno, one really good commercial?
Too much to ask, I know.
First thing you notice? That guy's Wolverine haircut.
Oh, wait. First thing you notice if you're a guy? Hot Mrs. Claus makes a return! You're welcome.
So Hugh Jackman post-ugly stick tussle (HJPUST...or Hij Pust, which sounds as ugly as he looks) proposes to Hottie Hot Hottie and she denies him. Not because he cuts his own hair with safety scissors or starred in Australia, but because Hij Pust has bad credit.
Wait, a semi-legit reason to not marry someone? And in a Norton Furniture commercial?! What the fuck, people?!
But here's the thing: she says no so adamantly that it's a bit ridiculous when she seems to turn around with an idea to fix his problem! Hurrah!
Norton comes in, blah blah blah, heard this spiel, don't give a shit. Well, not entirely true. Hij Pust does a great job with his spasms that he takes our focus off staring at Marc Norton. But then we get stuck staring at him instead. Could we not just move both of them off the screen, perhaps a few countries away for good measure, just so we can watch Hottie Hot Hottie? Do they not realize sex really sells, but it kind of fails when you counter such sex appeal with all that is boner-killing?
Yep, imagine hearing Marc Norton's voice next time you're trying to get off. Enjoy THAT.
So Marc Norton saves the day, gets the girl, and rides into the sunset, where he hopefully crisps nicely, and the whole point of calling him in is ruined. Yes, bring in Marc Norton to fix your credit (hint: he doesn't fix your credit so much as give you crappy furniture, so thanks a bunch, misleading advertising), and then flip off your boyfriend for someone just as unappealing. Makes sense to me!
At least you see Norton covering his face in shame. A moment of realization? Probably not, as we'll have more of his shit to watch next Friday, I'm sure.
2009's first ratings. Hurray.
-Hij Pust: I'll give you a few points for playing a badass in most of your films, but I will then take them all away for this. Every. Point. Ever. You used to play Asteroids when you were a kid? I'm taking the points away from there, too. I will hunt all your points down and I will make you wish you were never awarded points.
-Hottie Hot Hottie: I will give you ten points. 3 of them being my area code, the other 7 being the rest of my phone number.
-Wheezy: Way to help me ring in the new year with you. I hope you're happy. I sure ain't. -2009 points for you, sir.
Maybe I'll do that weekend Twitter/Webcomic thing I promised. Maybe I'll still be hungover tomorrow. I promise nothing.
Until then, deal with it.
No comments:
Post a Comment