Anywhichway, this one's another request from a fellow internerd. Not like any of you reading this aren't one, too. It's actually somewhat representative of the product instead of...y'know...99% of car commercials.
Alright, so ooVoo. It's like Skype except no one uses it. I'm willing to bet this ad is a strong reason why.
As a preface, I will try to avoid bashing the young girl, who probably has no idea what she's doing here and also try to stray from digging at the male lead's appearance.
Fuck that. He looks like a puppet. Seriously. Say his lines and try to move your mouth like he does, especially when he says "Hey, Pumpkin." Are you a ventriloquist? No? Then good luck to you, sir or madam.
Onto more..."classy" discussions. Let's start with the good again. Well...the name ooVoo is kind of fun to say? It goes Ooh-Voo. That's all there is to it.
Oh! And they mention the GS 4200, which, after googling, we find out it is a cash register made in China. High-end stuff, people.
That was hopeless. Let's get to the gritty shit.
Will someone please give the cameraman a machine that doesn't have a zoom or focus-change button? The shots in the first half of this WHY* go in and out so much, it's like camera sex, which I assume is unfulfilling. If it's not, let's get us some camera sex. Y'get me? Yeah, you get me. The superzoom on everyone's face also doesn't help. We only have so many attractive people in the world, and none of them are in this ad. Not a one. Ugly can sell...but not when you use your camerawork to explore the pores of these suckers. Dr. Kelso doesn't like uggos, why should I?
Speaking of something entirely different but still quite awful, we have the soundtrack. I'm sure we're all glad Lou Bega found some more work after Mambo No. 5. Actually, less "glad" and more "go away." Lots more.
Any more technical aspects? Yeah, if you look at the incoming call picture of his wife, you'll notice it changes from its initial incoming photo to when he rejects it. His wife takes on a much more...drunken quality there. Not blaming her. You may say this is nitpicking. I may say this is me bitching about a minute of TV. I work with what I've got.
Onto the acting portion. Or, because I can, the smackting portion. Because I'm going to smack the people who can't act in commercials. And you if you don't like "smackting." Like I said, the little girl's fine. You can only ask so much from child actors. They try to be cute (or creepy, thanks to Japan), and that's what we want.
Then again, shitful writing doesn't help, but we'll touch on that as we traverse through the "plot" or, as I like to think of it as I watch, the "pleasegodwhyamIdoingthistomyself-ot." Plot for short, I suppose.
-Girl finds computer.
-Girl calls Puppet Dad.
-PD forgets to close unimportant applications on his computer, like ooVoo, Weatherbug, and Porntube.
-Girl ooVoo calls PD during meeting, interrupting piss-poor snoring sound effect.
-PD rejects call and Girl's love.
-Girl says "fuck you" and calls again.
-PD is whipped (remember, he thinks it's Wife) and answers call, despite giving important presentation on cash registers. VERY IMPORTANT.
-PD and Girl exchange lines (that were written on the basis that terrible = $$) to the unbelievable (I mean "suspension of disbelief" does nothing) enjoyment of the rest of the coworkers.
-Girl drops the Lessthanthree on PD. PD regretfully says it back. Regretfully. That dick.
Seriously, watch the relationship between the girl and her dad. She's cute, she's just trying to show her dad she loves him, and he has exasperation in his voice each time he responds. I don't care if she interrupted your GS 4200 meeting. Cash registers be damned! Spend a second talking to your daughter who you've spurned for money storing opportunities!
And why the FUCK would he want to talk to his wife if he didn't want to be on the phone during a meeting? Fuck you, hypocrite! I don't care if you think he'll tell her to keep his daughter away from the computer. That's probably what he did, because he's a shitty shit person!
Moving on from that classy exploit, and onto the writing! There's not much said, to be honest, except for "Dad!" and "What?" that catches our attention (GS 4200! YES!!!). The one thing that is apparently HYSTERICAL beyond all belief?
MAKE THE MONEY! That poor girl... The key to success? Have the rest of the employees laugh at this as if they'd never seen something so uproarious in their lives. This is gut-busting humor, people! Show us how you feel! Pretend you're watching Carlos Mencia!
Oh...Killing the mood. And I made an over-done, but nonetheless super truthful dig.
We get to end this charade on its tagline: simply amazing, amazingly simple. By the by, typed verbatim. These people don't use capital letters in their product or anything else. You've got to earn that shift key, ooVoo. It IS simple, though. We'll give them that.
And what commercial with a kid in it wouldn't be complete without that kid creepily whispering something, in this case ooVoo. There! She earned her money's worth! Cute AND creepy. Wonderful!
Rating time: The product: 10 points taken straight from Skype's point cupboard.
-The girl: 7 sympathy cards.
-Puppet Dad: One Jeff Dunham to try to squeeze the humor out of you.
-The camerman: 5 cases of Dramamine. It's for motion-sickness, people. Read up on some medicines.
-The rest of the employees: You're fired. Get the fuck OUT! Get the FUCK out! GET the fuck out! Can't figure out what to emphasize, but you get the message.
'Til next time. Watch some TV, and hope I never get a Tivo, so I can't flip through this shit.
*We Hate You (straight from advertising agencies into my warm heart)
3 comments:
This is where you aren't commenting.
False.
The question is...why would he be on something like Oovoo in an important meeting in the first place? That's pretty unprofessional of him.
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